February 2023
Man's Best Boss
27/02/23 10:13
February 27, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 13) - Despite two college degrees, almost a half-century of gainful employment and nearly four decades as a parent and, more recently, a grandparent, I have finally reached this conclusion: I work for my dog. I was under the false illusion that my wife and I adopted Randi, a pit-terrier mix, in 2014. However, I have grown to realize that we didn't adopt her. Instead, she hired us. At least, that's the way it seems these days. She will walk up to me at any time of day, stare at me with her big, brown eyes and command me to do something. Of course, since she hasn't yet mastered the ability to speak, I have to go through a long checklist of possible desires. "Do you want to go outside? Do you want to play ball? Do you want a doggy treat? Are you hoping to solve world peace?" At some point, I figure out what she wants, drop everything I am doing, and give in to her demands. (Hint: Ninety-five percent of the time it has something to do with food.) Now that I have reached the age of blissful retirement, I have been reduced to serving as my dog's full-time personal assistant. I buy most of her food, medicines and treats. I drive her to her doctor and grooming appointments. I feed her and give her her medicines - even when she resists. I let her sit on my lap in my living room recliner - even after I have already decided it was time to get up and do something else. You might say that I suffer from a case of canine paralysis. Randi will wake me in the middle of the night to let me know that she wants to go outside. (That's not necessarily a bad thing, until she starts dawdling around the yard at 3:00 a.m. looking for critters.) Why do I put up with this? I ask myself that question every day. The answer is the same reason my wife and I spent thousands of dollars and much of the month of December commuting between Lawrence and the KSU Veterinary Health Center in Manhattan where she underwent major cancer surgery: We love her. And, she loves us. Together, our family would not be whole without her. Yes, there are times she annoys me. But then, she looks at me with her big, brown eyes and lovingly asks: What have you done for me lately? That's it for now. Fear the Turtle.Living a Double (Sports) Life
20/02/23 07:29
February 20, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 12) - I admit it: When it comes to sports, I am two-faced. After living in Lawrence, Kansas, for more than three decades - longer than I have lived anywhere else - I am an unapologetic Kansas Jayhawks fan. My fandom is not just for the all-time winningest men's basketball program, but all of the teams, even when they don't win. One reason is that for nearly 30 years, many of those athletes were my students and they had my full support. Also, I am loyal fellow, perhaps to a fault - which is why I am two-faced. I cheer for the Jayhawks whenever they play - except when they play my first love, the Maryland Terrapins. I fell in love with the Terps as a freshman in College Park. They weren't all that good when I arrived on campus. But by the time I graduated in December 1973, both the football and basketball programs were nationally ranked and the men's lacrosse team was the national champion (as they are now). Unlike Kansas and most other college programs, the Terrapins labor in the shadow of two major markets competing for attention from six teams in the four major professional sports leagues. Especially during times of economic stress, disposable income required for ticket sales is limited. That's why the Terps don't sell out as often as they should. And yet, those who do show up are incredibly passionate, making Xfinity Center one of the toughest places to play in The Big Ten. However, even a Terps fan must bow to the passion and energy of Allen Field House - the greatest home court advantage in college basketball. This past weekend, my wife and I indulged in our love for the game. On Saturday, we watched the Jayhawks rally from 18 points down to beat Baylor by 17. Then yesterday, after a long drive to Lincoln, I saw my Terps lose a tough game in overtime to the Nebraska Cornhuskers. That's the nature of the sport: Some days you get the Bears, and some days you are shucked and out of luck. As I indicated in my February 1 post (Vol. 17. No. 8) no other sport elicits the pure passion as does college basketball. That's it for now. Rock Chalk Jayhawk - and Fear the Turtle. (Photo by David Guth)When Will We Ever Learn?
15/02/23 05:02
February 15, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 11) - We have once gain tragically witnessed the consequences of America's callous and reckless attitudes toward guns. Just this week, there's been yet another mass casualty shooting at a school - this time at Michigan State University. However, truth be told, we have now raised a generation of children from pre-school to graduate school that faces the very real possibility that they will be gunned down in their classroom. According to The Washington Post, there have been more than 600 mass shootings since January 2022. That's an average of more than one each day. That is an obscenity. No one is threatening the repeal of the Second Amendment. I do not object to gun ownership, per se. But I do object to the reckless sale of military style assault weapons with high-volume ammunition magazines. As President Joe Biden pointed out in his recent State of the Union Address, this country once had a ban on assault weapons. And guess what? It worked. No one's constitutional rights were violated and the number of mass casualty shootings dramatically decreased. However, the ban was allowed to expire and our schools have, once again, become a shooting gallery. In what universe does that make any sense? As you may be aware, I have recently published my first fiction novel, Thirteen Minutes: Death of an American High School. It is about the causes and effects of a school shooting in a rural community. The story may come from my imagination, but the scenario that is played out is based on what has happened too many times in real life. I don't expect to make a lot of money on the book. That's not why I wrote it. I wrote it to shed some light on a very dark subject. Every time I see that there's been another shooting, I think of the great Pete Seeger's 1955 composition Where Have all the Flowers Gone? It is a song about the futility of war. With a few minor lyrical changes, it could also be be a warning siren about the need for gun reform. Just as wars come and go in a seemingly endless cycle, so does gun violence. And as the song hauntingly repeats at the end of each verse, "When will we ever learn?" That's it for now. Fear the Turtle. (Photo courtesy AP)Vision Versus Division
07/02/23 23:07
February 8, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 10) - If you watched President Joe Biden deliver his second State of the Union Address last night with an open mind, then you should have seen a clear picture of why the interests of this nation are best served when the Democrats are in charge. Biden laid out an amazing record of accomplishments and a vision for America's future. It is undeniable: Biden's legislative record during the first two years of his term is the most successful we have seen in more than 50 years. Last night, he spoke to our nation's most basic values: equality, fairness, compassion and strength. And what did Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders have to offer in her Republican response? Nothing, really. She repeated the litany of half-truths and distortions she became famous for as Donald Trump's press secretary. She took a cheap shot at Biden's age without acknowledging that it was her former boss that wrecked the economy and was responsible for hundreds of thousands of COVID deaths. Not only that, but many of the Republicans in Congress behaved badly - frankly, childishly - during the speech. It was hilarious watching House Speaker Kevin McCarthy squirm in his seat behind the President, not knowing whether to applaud what should have been easy applause lines about basic civil rights, economic justice and the defense of democracy. He wouldn't even acknowledge that the January 6th Insurrection was a bad thing. Having made so many back room deals with the most radical elements of his party, McCarthy couldn't afford to let a wayward smile and misplaced applause cost him any of his razor-thin support. Truth be told, Joe Biden is not a very good public speaker. However, at least when he was speaking, we had every reason to believe the truth was being told - something no one ever felt was the case with his predecessor. While they may be somewhat transitory, the initial flash polls suggest that it was a good night for the President. More important, it was a good night for America. That's it for now. Fear the Turtle. (Photo courtesy CNN)Balloon Baffoonery
05/02/23 08:16
February 5, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 9) - Our long national nightmare is over. However, the Internet memes about it are only beginning. The U.S. Air Force yesterday shot down a meandering Chinese spy ballon off the coast of North Carolina. Of course, Beijing said the ballon was a civilian aircraft that had strayed off course, predictably accused the Biden administration of a "serious violation of international practice" and threatened undisclosed repercussions. Well, well, well. Where do we begin? First, it wasn't a "civilian aircraft." It was a sophisticated, yet remarkably low-tech spy balloon. Second, this "civilian aircraft" not only violated American airspace, it traversed the entire country. As for those undisclosed consequences, China hasn't even begun to hear from the U.S. about their egregious behavior. The only group acting more stupidly over this dumbass intrusion are - predictably - congressional Republicans. Bless, them: They just can't help themselves. These MAGA-maggots say it is a disgrace that Biden didn't hop into a jet himself and personally shoot down this invader. They ignore the fact that the thing was as big as two Greyhound buses and was flying at 60,000 feet. Indiscriminately shooting it down may have hurt someone on the ground and caused serious property damage. The Republican nay-sayers also claim we allowed the Chinese to continue to gather vital information as it flew across the country. Let me clue you in on a secret: It is likely the U.S. disabled its intelligence-gathering capabilities before the damn thing crossed the border. We can do that, you know. We just don't like to talk about it. Ix-nay on the aser-lay. I suspect some of those mental midgets like Jim Jordan and Marjorie Taylor Greene think the balloon carried Hillary Clinton's e-mails and the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop. Don't get me wrong: The violation of American airspace by this rudimentary Chinese balloon is a serious matter. And I seriously doubt this intrusion was the accident the folks in Beijing claim. If it was an accident, then it should be the Chinese, not us, who should be red-faced. But let's have a little perspective. It is unlikely this clumsy attempt at spy craft gathered any information that the Chinese haven't gathered from other sources. And the only real dangers were having this thing fall to the ground hurting someone and Republicans hyperventilating in an effort to distract Americans from the fact that Biden is getting the job done and, in the process, kicking their collective asses. That's it for now. Fear the Turtle!
It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year
01/02/23 08:08
February 1, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 8) - It's the first day of February, which means there are only 28 days until the Month of Madness. March Madness, that is. If you love - or even if you just like - college basketball, this is the best time of the year. Suddenly, Joe Lunardi's opinion matters. It's all about making the NCAA tournament field. Once you are in, anything can happen. Just ask the folks at North Carolina State University. Like many, I fell in love with college basketball in college. Growing up, I was a passionate fan of the Baltimore Bullets. College hoops were hardly on my radar. However, Charles "Lefty" Driesell came to College Park, Maryland, and totally changed my perspective. That was the year before I enrolled at the University of Maryland. Even then, I noticed that something special was happening. When I got to College Park, I was fortunate to work with a film crew that shot game footage for the Terps. That allowed me to get up close with the players and coaches and to see exciting games on the floor of the arena. The energy and excitement in Cole Field House was unmatched. That included an amazing pre-shot clock game in which the Terps slowed down the game - the score was 4-3 at the half - and upset second-ranked South Carolina on a buzzer-beater. I was even present for the first-ever Late Night, Lefty's way of telling everyone that the Terps were ready to compete. I had never seen anything like it - until I joined the faculty at the University of Kansas and started seeing games at Allen Field House. As good as it was when I was in college, the game time atmosphere at Kansas is the best I've seen. Keep in mind that I've seen games at Duke's Cameron Indoor Stadium, North Carolina's Carmichael Auditorium and Dean Dome, Iowa State's Hilton Coliseum, and even a Final Four in Indianapolis. All had great atmospheres - but none can match the electricity of The Phog. As for the NBA - forget it. You can keep the pumped-in music and phony light shows. And who cares to watch 48 minutes of one-on-one basketball? College hoops are beautiful because they are played as a team sport. And at Allen Field House, the fans are an integral part of that team. Bring on the Madness! With apologies to Christmas, this is the most wonderful time of the year! That''s it for now. Fear the Turtle!