Balloon Baffoonery
05/02/23 08:16
February 5, 2023 (Vol. 17 No. 9) - Our long national nightmare is over. However, the Internet memes about it are only beginning. The U.S. Air Force yesterday shot down a meandering Chinese spy ballon off the coast of North Carolina. Of course, Beijing said the ballon was a civilian aircraft that had strayed off course, predictably accused the Biden administration of a "serious violation of international practice" and threatened undisclosed repercussions. Well, well, well. Where do we begin? First, it wasn't a "civilian aircraft." It was a sophisticated, yet remarkably low-tech spy balloon. Second, this "civilian aircraft" not only violated American airspace, it traversed the entire country. As for those undisclosed consequences, China hasn't even begun to hear from the U.S. about their egregious behavior. The only group acting more stupidly over this dumbass intrusion are - predictably - congressional Republicans. Bless, them: They just can't help themselves. These MAGA-maggots say it is a disgrace that Biden didn't hop into a jet himself and personally shoot down this invader. They ignore the fact that the thing was as big as two Greyhound buses and was flying at 60,000 feet. Indiscriminately shooting it down may have hurt someone on the ground and caused serious property damage. The Republican nay-sayers also claim we allowed the Chinese to continue to gather vital information as it flew across the country. Let me clue you in on a secret: It is likely the U.S. disabled its intelligence-gathering capabilities before the damn thing crossed the border. We can do that, you know. We just don't like to talk about it. Ix-nay on the aser-lay. I suspect some of those mental midgets like Jim Jordan and Marjorie Taylor Greene think the balloon carried Hillary Clinton's e-mails and the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop. Don't get me wrong: The violation of American airspace by this rudimentary Chinese balloon is a serious matter. And I seriously doubt this intrusion was the accident the folks in Beijing claim. If it was an accident, then it should be the Chinese, not us, who should be red-faced. But let's have a little perspective. It is unlikely this clumsy attempt at spy craft gathered any information that the Chinese haven't gathered from other sources. And the only real dangers were having this thing fall to the ground hurting someone and Republicans hyperventilating in an effort to distract Americans from the fact that Biden is getting the job done and, in the process, kicking their collective asses. That's it for now. Fear the Turtle!