A Leap of Faith
01/03/26 05:07
March 1, 2026 (Vol. 18 No. 9) - Much to the surprise of almost everyone I know, I made a decision late last summer to convert to Catholicism and undergo instruction that will lead to my confirmation during the Easter vigil next month. It may have seemed to others that this was a sudden decision. However, I had thought about it for a long time. It may be that the sudden and unexpected death of my younger brother in August finally spurred me to action. Confronting one's morality often brings with it clarity of purpose. Whatever the reason, I finally decided at 73 years of age to take, literally, a leap of faith.
I was raised and confirmed in the Episcopal church. However, the last time I attended an Episcopal service was my grandmother's funeral more than 50 years ago. Since then, my church attendance has been almost exclusively Catholic. My first serious girl friend in college was Catholic, and I would often attend services with her. That experience was like dipping my toes to test the waters. My first wife, Jan, was Catholic. While I had not converted to Catholicism at the time, I agreed that we would raise our daughter in the Catholic Church. I traveled with our church choir on a pilgrimage to Rome in 1996. My wife, sister and I attended the papal Easter mass in St. Peter's Square in 2004. The late Monsignor Vince Kirsche of KU's St. Lawrence Catholic Campus Center referred to me at a "reindeer" because I usually showed up at Christmas. (I even sang in the Christmas choir twice.) When Jan passed away in 2007, her funeral service was at St. Lawrence. (It is my wish that when my time comes that I have my service there, as well.) A little over three years later, I married another Catholic woman, Maureen. (Anyone notice a pattern here?) Even then, I was still moving along the periphery of the Catholic Church.
So, why now, after 50 years of practicing a form of "drive-by Catholicism" did I decide to take this leap of faith? Even now, I am not completely certain of the answer to that question. However, I know that much of my motivation has to do with the search for inner peace. I have faced many hurdles and challenges in my life. Some were unavoidable and unintentional. Others were of my own making. I know that I am a flawed human being. I also know that even without a formal affiliation to any church or religious creed, I have tried to live a moral and values-driven life. While I have differences over some of the positions of the Catholic Church, I am attracted to its commitment to social justice. I will admit that have not always felt that way. But, as I passed my 50th birthday and reached a point in my life where I felt I had nothing left to prove to anyone but myself, I emotionally and intellectually matured. In a sense, I unconsciously moved toward the gravitational pull of the church. In the last couple of years, I came to realize that more often than not, the Church's and my values were aligned.
This is not to suggest that I have reached full maturity and see the church as a comfortable safe harbor. Quite the opposite is true. Becoming a Catholic presents me with serious opportunities and challenges. I have reached a point in this, the latter stages of my life, that I believe my soul is in need of divine guidance - some might even say healing. I need to rid myself of a lifetime of anger, mistrust, and self-ridicule. There have been times that I have found myself wallowing in my own self-victimization. Following the teachings of Jesus and his church can help me reach an inner peace I have never known - but only if I work at it. For example, during last week's Catholic instruction, Father Luke Doyle spoke about the power and necessity for forgiveness. In short, a good Catholic should be willing to forgive anyone. I understand the concept. However, if you are a regular reader of this blog, you'll know that granting my forgiveness to Donald Trump, someone who stands for almost everything I am against, will be a tall order. Frankly, because I am my own worst critic, I often find it difficult to seek forgiveness for my own thoughts and deeds. This is just one area in which I feel I can benefit from the guidance and teachings of the church. And at long last, I think I am ready to listen.
I do not share this very personal journey with you out of a need to draw attention to myself. Nor is it an attempt to influence anyone else's personal relationship with God. Consider this my profession of faith. It is not so much as declaration of who I am, but one about who I aspire to be. That's it for now. Fear the Turtle. (Photo by David Guth, 2004)