The MAGA crowd can learn a lot from FDR's "Purge"
December 20, 2024 (Vol. 18 No. 52) - As the United States Congress descends into chaos, South African import Elon Musk and his puppet, Felon 47-elect, is urging the removal of RINOs (Republicans in Name Only) from the MAGA-infested Republican Party. Before they go much farther in this dubious venture, they should learn the lessons of history. Following his easy victory over Kansas Governor Alf Landon in the 1936 election, FDR unveiled an aggressive liberal agenda. To his dismay, much of it was derailed by a coalition of Republicans and dissident conservative Democrats. Frustrated, FDR took to the airwaves during one of his Fireside Chats to attack the dissident Democrats (photo above). He then used a tactic today's Republicans are very familiar with: He "primaried" them by supporting a slate of liberal candidates. He accused the conservative Democrats of being traitors to the cause of reform. Unfortunately for the President, the plan backfired. His opponents evoked the image of Stalin brutally eliminating his opponents in Russia by calling FDR's actions a "purge," and then they suggested he was trying to establish a dictatorship. In the end, all but one of the dissident Democrats were reelected. FDR's botched efforts also produced major gains for the Republican Party in the 1938 midterm elections. Felon 47-elect and his minions should remember that FDR was reelected in 1936 in a landslide. The incoming President did not even garner half of the popular vote. If I were a congressional Democrat, I'd sit back and let the Republicans eat their young. History has shown us that, like Icarus of Greek mythology, if you try to fly too high, you will get burned. That's it for now. Merry Christmas and Fear the Turtle."Someone Stole My Truck!!!"
December 13, 2024 (Vol. 18 No. 51) - If I were to write my own Hallmark Christmas movie, we would return to the idillic - and make-believe - village of Evergreen, Vermont. It's a magical place where everyone holds the Christmas spirit close to their hearts, that welcomes total strangers without reservation and the streets are slush-free even though it is always snowing. (By the way, it is also the only town in Vermont where no one seems to ski.) This Christmas season, a gang of bikers who call themselves "Heck's Angel" - remember, this is a Hallmark movie - stops in town. The leader of the pack, "Snake Eyes" O'Malley, surprises his distant cousin Dr. Allie Shaw, the local veterinarian. She's famous for driving around town in an antique red pick-up truck that is always decorated for Christmas. (Despite the constant presence of snow, those decorations remain remarkably pristine, just like the truck.) The two had a falling out some years ago when he shaved her pet Cocker Spaniel. We learn that he plans to apologize to his cuz for that distant dirty deed. But before he can, some of the boys decide to go joy riding her Little Red Truck. (Hence, the title of our movie: Christmas in Evergreen - Someone Stole My Truck!!!) If you have seen any of the previous three Christmas in Evergreen movies, you would know that Dr. Shaw's truck is the closest thing Evergreen has to mass transit. More people in town have driven the truck than those who haven't. Commercial activity in town grinds to a halt and the Christmas Eve Festival is in danger of being cancelled. However, a white-bearded old gentleman named Nick - someone who doesn't appear to have any gainful employment but people still seek out his sage advice anyway - invites Heck's Angels to participate in the annual Christmas cookie baking contest. And when old "Snake Eyes" wins, he and his gang are filled with the spirit of Christmas. However, we learn that the truck was totaled when it ran off the side of Jingle Bell Lane into — wait for it — the town's Christmas tree. All seems lost until someone shakes the snow globe at the Kris Kringle Kitchen (a business with a most unfortunate acronym) and makes a wish. Sure enough, while some of the bikers cut down a tree near the Ice Skating Pond and decorate it for Christmas, the others hold a bake sale with their award-winning Christmas cookies. They make enough money to buy Dr. Shaw a new red truck. And when the governor of Vermont, who just happens to be in town for the Festival, sees what the biker boys have done, she issues the gang a full and complete pardon. The Governor then rides out of town on the back of Snake Eye's bike and they live happily ever after. Now THAT's the Hallmark movie I'd pay good money to see! That's it for now. Fear the Turtle.America's Faustian Bargain
December 2, 2024 (Vol. 18 No. 50) - Faust is a character in German folklore who gave his soul to the devil in exchange for unlimited knowledge and worldly pleasure. It is from that legend that the phrase Faustian bargain was born. It is said that one who sacrifices something of great moral or spiritual value to gain something they desire has made a Faustian bargain. That is what almost half of America (49.9 percent, to be exact) did on November 5. In voting to place Donald Trump back in power, they had to overlook basic American and religious values. Trump is a convicted felon, a certified sex offender, an incompetent administrator with the language skills of a fifth grader, a seditious conspirator who tried to overturn the government of the United States, a racist who preys upon the voter's darkest fears, and a oligarch wanting to dismantle the Constitution so he can consolidate power to himself. Can you think of anyone more un-American than the whisper of a man I just described? And what did Trump voters get in return? They think he will Make America Great Again. They think Trump will make the economy stronger. They think he will restore America's place as the world's greatest nation. In reality, it is unlikely that their expectations will be met. If Trump and his sychophantic zealots do just half of what they say they will do, the United States will be headed toward a Depression worse than that experienced in the 1930s. Our stature in the world, revived by the Biden administration, will be irrepairably be damaged. Trump's "America First" world view is more likely to force the nation into a war worse than the one President Biden just ended. For Failure 45 - soon to become Felon 47 - it's the perfect bargain: He gets everything and everyone else gets nothing. It may take a few months, but his voters will eventually realize that they got less out of their Faustian bargain than they thought they would. And the rest of us will say we told you so. That's it for now. Fear the Turtle.Radio Days: Santa and the Fire Truck
November 23, 2024 (Vol. 18 No. 49) - Everyone who has worked in commercial radio has a story - at least one story - about some of the dumb things they had to do to please station management. Everyone remembers the famous WKRP Turkey Drop. One of my stories has to do with the "traditional" arrival of Santa Claus in Rocky Mount, North Carolina, on the day after Thanksgiving. Local lore was that Jolly Old Nick would kick off the holiday shopping season by arriving at the local mall in a fire truck. Sounds strange, but the kids loved it. After all, we are talking about fire trucks and Santa. However, for some Godforsaken reason, the Jolly Ol' Elf's arrival was simulcast live over each of the town's three AM radio stations. Which station broadcast the arrival rotated every year. One year, it was my station's turn and our crack programing director's idea was to put News Director David Guth "live" in the fire truck with Santa as he rode through town. With today's technology, that sounds easy. But this was 1978. To pull off that little bit of magic required a broadcast transmitting unit called a "Marti." It was big, bulky and required a power source. The only place we could place it on the fire engine was on one side of the open bay - the place where the firefighters jump out of the truck to battle a blaze. There's no door - just the street below. However, the microphone, other necessary equipment and Santa were placed on the opposite side of side of the open bay. For technical reasons too boring to explain here, when I got my cues to go "live," I would have to cross the open bay to turn on the Marti before I could broadcast live from the fire truck. At first, the system worked just fine. The only "problems" with the broadcast was that the Santa I interviewed was monosyllabic and spoke in a thick Southern accent. (Maybe he lived at the South Pole?) However, there was one moment of shear terror. At the very moment I got my cue to cross the open bay, turn on the Marti and start broadcasting, the fire truck made sharp left turn. Next thing I know is that I am halfway out the door on my way to the street. With one foot inside the engine and one foot out, I grabbed onto a fireman's hand railing. With a microphone in one hand and me holding on for dear life in the other, I calmly broadcast live that Santa was getting closer to the mall. I survived and Santa arrived. And I made sure that I was out-of-town every Thanksgiving thereafter. That's it for now. Happy Thanksgiving. And Fear the Turtle.An Appeal for Sanity
November 13, 2024 (Vol. 18 No. 48) - In our nation's founding document, we asserted this country's most basic values: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and pursuit of happiness." Eleven years later, those same Founders created a governing architecture that more than 237 years later remains the nation's guiding principals. They wrote the Constitution of the United States, a remarkable document that national around the world emulate, "to form a more perfect union, establish justices, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and to ensure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity." From its very beginnings, the United States has been an aspirational nation, one always striving to improve itself morally and materially. From these founding documents, a number of core American cultural values have emerged, including individualism, equalitarianism, optimism, and a society that embraces free enterprise, directness/honesty an an orientation toward taking action an engaging in hard work. At least these are some of the values we profess when we speak of American Exceptionalism, that America is a unique, even morally superior country. But are we? Is today's American Mythology true to those same founding values upon which we stake our claim?
There is a gap between the American values we tell the world we embrace and those we actually practice. After all, even the Founders acknowledged this disparity in admitting that our union was not perfect. They spoke of what we, as Americans, should aspire to be. However, by the recent vote of the people, we now appear to be ready to steer a course that abandons the very constructs we claim as essential to our national identity. Is there truly equality in our tax laws, our criminal justice system, or the manner in which we govern women? How does our expressed belief in liberty square with the incoming administration's desire to detain and deport more than 10 million undocumented citizens? Does it make sense to appoint a man who has been under investigation of sex trafficking, illicit drug use and obstruction of justice as your new attorney general? Of course - the president-elect, himself, is a convicted felon. The incoming administration's cabinet picks clearly demonstrate that loyalty to the new president is more highly valued than competence. Have we become a nation that embraces a leadership that routinely lies to the people, demeans and dehumanizes those who oppose it, circumvents the very constitutional safeguards it has sworn to protect, and enriches itself at the expense of the very people who put it in power?
We are in need of a new American Revolution, not one born of violence but spiritual in nature. We need to acknowledge who we really are and work toward become the nation we say we want to be. Maybe aspiring to be Ronald Reagan's "Shinning City on the Hill" is unrealistic. After all, the very concept of American Exceptionalism is in conflict with our most basic founding principle that "all men are created equal." Who knows? Maybe we are special. But before we make that claim, we must act like it. We need to develop a tax code where everyone pays his or her fair share. We have to respect the rights of women to make their own financial and health care decisions. Rather than treat those who seek refuge on our shores as criminals, we should welcome them in helping us grow our economy and culture. And we need to lower the temperature in our political discourse. But that political and social sea change must come from those we choose to lead us. Simply put: Those who claim to lead the country need to do so in their deeds, not their words. If they are not willing to do so, we, the people, have the power. If this recent election has shown us anything, the American people have the power to effect change. Hopefully they do so wisely. Yes, I know my words will seem to some as being naive. Others, still pent up in partisan battle mode, will see these thoughts as dangerous. I see them as an appeal to sanity and as a challenge to become the people and nation we have always said we are.